Update
Becoming Dead has moved and morphed into www.MoveMeBrightly.com, a catalog of unfiltered inspirations that move me ever so brightly.
Dearest Deadheads,
If you have yet to notice, I’ve decided to move Becoming Dead over to www.movemebrightly.com. I started Move Me Brightly (MMB) last summer to share all my other stories and inspirations and since then it has come to feel like my little nook in the world. When I found myself in Europe blogging on MMB about my new journey through the words of Ripple, I knew that I wanted to join these two worlds into one blog. Because while for some people the Grateful Dead is a separate compartment of their life, it is intertwined in mine. So, it only seems natural that the blogs come together.
Of course, I want to know what you think, too. I realize some of you could care less about my life and work and only wish to tune into the Grateful Dead portion of my brain. If that’s the case, I encourage you to share your opinions with me. Before you do, please check out the new site and see what it’s all about. You can find all the latest Grateful Dead posts under the Becoming Dead menu tab. Over the next couple weeks I will be tweaking and polishing to make the site most user-friendly.
If you do like what you read on MMB, please subscribe and start following @movemebright for the latest posts, updates, and never ending stream of consciousness. I promise the trip will still be long and strange and even more abundant.
Thank you all for your support and love. You certainly do move me.
<3
“So many roads I tell you
New York to San Francisco
So many roads I know
All I want is one to take me home
From the high road to the low
So many roads I know
So many roads so many roads”
My Steps Alone
This morning a lyric popped into my head, relentless in being heard. I don’t know why it happened when it did and I can’t recall anything in particular that inspired it, but it was this:
“There is a road, no simple highway between the dawn and the dark of night.”
At age 17, it had taken me a little longer than most to get my driver’s license. I was hesitant at the thought of driving and comfortable in the roster of rides I had acquired since everyone else had turned sixteen. When I did get my license, I only took the roads. Main roads, back roads, narrow roads, country roads. But definitely not any highways, simple or otherwise.
It’s funny how your actions mirror who you are. I never have taken the easy path to get anywhere and I don’t think I’ll ever want to. What’s so great about simple? Who has ever been happy with easy?
“And if you go, no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.”
Growing up, Ripple was the song that comforted me. It somehow reassured me that I wasn’t alone. So when I first really heard these lyrics as an adult, I was a bit confused. There’s no comfort in being alone! What about my empty cup that you said would be full again?
But now, here I am very much on my own path. Sure enough, nobody followed. In many ways, I am alone. Somewhere in the past 5 weeks, that became okay. Alone has become comforting and even freeing. This path is mine and mine alone and that makes everything much, much sweeter.
“You who choose to lead must follow, but if you fall, you fall alone.”
I’m okay with falling. Before I left for this trip I asked my mom, “what if I completely fail?” She very wisely told me, “Honey, there is no failing in this.” Or maybe there is, but the point is, it’s okay if I do. I’m at a time in my life where I’m not afraid of failure. In fact, I welcome it. When I found myself crying in an empty apartment in the middle of Germany, I wasn’t freaked out. I know that as long as I hang on, I’m going to get one hell of an experience out of this. So, I’ll embrace the beautiful times and grit my teeth through the hard times knowing that I’ll come out on the other side.
“If you should stand, then who’s to guide you? If I knew the way, I would take you home.”
It’s okay, I’m not ready to go home.
Truckin’: Europe ’11
In front of the Cathédrale Notre Dame de Strasbourg, France
It’s been a few months, but I assure you, Becoming Dead is alive and well. Here’s what’s been going on…
In late 2010, I discovered an opportunity and decided pretty quickly that I was going to pounce on it. And I did. I quit my job, left New York City, said goodbye to loved ones, and moved to Europe. Indefinitely. And you better believe, it only took me a couple of days to rock the Europe ’72 shirt.
Since February 15th, I’ve lived in Sindelfingen, Germany where my brother is stationed. We live off base in a stellar apartment where I find myself reading and writing more than ever. So far, I’ve visited Barcelona, Spain; Strasbourg, France; Tübingen, Germany; and Ludwigsburg, Germany. This weekend I’ll be visiting Mannheim and Heidelberg, Germany. You can (and should!) follow my journeys at www.movemebrightly.wordpress.com.
So where does all of this leave the Grateful Dead in my life? As always, at an arms reach. It isn’t rare to
In a Barcelona hostel wearing the Europe '72 shirt my dad handed down to me
hear Sunshine Daydream playing in my German home or to see me strutting down the street in one of my Dead shirts. And now I’d like to open the Grateful Dead doors a little more. Because when you’re far away from home, the people that you love, and the language you rely on; those familiar comforts become all the more special.
One Google search for “grateful dead germany” and I’m already super excited. No surprise here, there are whole Grateful Dead communities throughout Europe and I cannot wait to explore them all. My wish is to share with you the unique experience of an American Deadhead in Europe and how the Dead is constantly intertwined with my journey.
This is Europe ’11. I hope you come along for the ride.
A few days ago I finished reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. I’ve seen the movie by the same name countless times, but never without smoking a bowl or ten prior. In later [pot free] years I would on several occasions start to put on the DVD – and in one instance a VHS – but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I remembered it as a disjointed, incoherent, unsettling freak show that my sober mind wouldn’t be able to handle. See, at that age I had no other knowledge of Thompson or the history and culture he made up and therefore couldn’t appreciate his story for what it is; an incredible look into a time of experimentation and dissent that resulted in one of the most profound and controversial journalist in history who opened eyes and minds across the globe. And also, a lot of fucking mescaline. If you haven’t read the book, be sure to. Then, watch the movie – high or not – and get back to me. I’ll be watching sans high… wish me luck.
The only negative thing I can say about Thompson’s classic is that it managed to steal me away from White Hand Society, the new novel by Peter Conners, author of Growing up Dead. But alas, I dived into Conners’ telling of the 1960’s psychedelic revolution as helmed by Allen Ginsberg and Timothy Leary. 
Sixty pages in and I’m absolutely fascinated. Since I began my journey with Becoming Dead I’ve been most interested in where the ideas of the hippie generation came from. Who and what inspired a whole cultural phenomenon? In reading about the Grateful Dead I often come across name and texts that were influential on the band and the music. The Doors of Perception (Aldous Huxley), On the Road (Jack Kerouac), Howl and Other Poems (Allen Ginsberg), The Egyptian Book of the Dead, etc. The images of the hippie generation are all very appealing. Dancing in the streets, protests for peace, free love. But for me, it’s nothing without the intellect that stands behind it. I look forward to discovering more of that with White Hand Society.
“Escaping through the lily fields, I came across an empty space
It trembled and exploded, left a bus stop in its place
The bus came by and I got on, that’s when it all began
There was Cowboy Neal at the wheel of the bus to never ever land”
The Other One
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Photos from:
City Lights (Publisher of White Hand Society)
Generation Film (a WordPress site)
From Blue Bugs to Purple Haze
A few photos I’ve been meaning to share. Enjoy!
Becoming Dead 